Marriage and African Americans: It’s Your Fault

This is going to sound a little blasphemous to the uber-nationalist among us but I don’t think that if you find someone who you fall in love with and who can put with your crazy butt, and vice versa, you should marry them regardless of race, class, or creed. While I understand the wish to marry someone of a common background, I believe it’s foolish to reject someone with whom you feel a real connection because they are of a different culture. That is why I’m a little confused when the fact that 41% of African American Women have never been married is blamed on a lack of eligible African American men. Besides the myth of low numbers of eligible African American men, I find the idea that African American women’s love lives are limited by forces they cannot control to be foolish.

Life is really short. Personally it feels like the years go by faster the older I get. Being in an intercultural relationship myself, my girlfriend’s a Luo from Kenya, I got to say there are some differences you have to get over but if it’s the right person you should go for it. For those whose preferences are based on race please keep in mind our ancestry as African Americans. None of us is going to win best in show as a pure breed and racial purity isn’t really that important considering that we only have one shot at life and a limited amount of time to enjoy it.

Marry who you want regardless of race and culture. If you’re single and don’t want to be it’s probably you. If you think that every member of the opposite sex is a jerk you, and I say this without any sarcasm, have issues you need to work out. And if you think the sole reason that you’re single is the lack of eligible Black men, or women, you need to open your horizons and change your attitude. It’s not down low brothers, or guys going to Rio. Its not gold diggers or stuck up BAPS. It’s a narrow world vision and a bad attitude.

Brandon Whitney is the creator of a blog that focuses on issues that affect the African American community. He is also a frequent guest on News and Notes’ Blogger Roundtable. Brandon has political experience as an Outreach Director for the Democratic party and is passionate about being a positive force in his community regarding African American issues. He is also a frequent guest on News and Notes’ Blogger Roundtable. You can read more of Brandon’s work at Homeland Colors.


4 Responses to “Marriage and African Americans: It’s Your Fault”

  1. […] Marriage and African Americans: It’s Your Fault … whom you feel a real connection because they are of a different culture. That is why I’ma little confused when the fact that 41% of African American Women have never been married is blamed on a lack of eligible African American men. … […]

  2. You might want to edit that first sentence a little 🙂 , but other than that, I cosign your article, and it’s wonderful to see brothers speaking out and dropping the logic bombs when FOR YEARS the sisters have been running that same ol’ funny song about the usual limitations of Black men: liars, cheats, deadbeats, inmates, cowards, idiots, europhiliacs, and closet gays. We’ve had to deal with the whining and excuses forming that tired wail, “WHERE ARE ALL THE GOOD BLACK MEN AT???”

    Well, the party’s over; the good decent brothers who got stepped over are starting to wake up to the fact that it’s a big ol’ world out there and plenty of good women of many ethnicities who are willing to be a loving companion without the attitude. Is this to say that there are no good Black women? Of course not. The problem is THEY are the ones that need to step up to the plate as they time-and-time-again implore Black men to. Particularly when it’s more than likely the cream of the crop are more than likely already spoken for. They especially have to scream a little louder if they’re single because while about 70% of the Black American female population is unmarried, and over half that already have kids. And I don’t know if I can even say it’s a sad state of affairs given how many women boldly proclaim how STRONG and INDEPENDENT they are and that they DON’T NEED NO MAN. No problem, there are, again, plenty of women out there who not only need but truly want a man in their life, and brothers are hooking up and finding happiness elsewhere.

    Again, big kudos for a fine article; keep ’em comin’!

  3. Good call on the first sentence, a little too much going on at one time.

  4. Wow I have no words. We’ll actually I do. Its funny because the other day before I knew CNN was doing this documentary I wrote a letter to God on my blog pleading for Him to restore the relationship bonds between men and women. But I say that to say that this has been something discussed amongst many women and not just the bitter or strong willed. I have never had the attitude of just mixing with my black race. (But most marry who they are around most and comfortable with.) I don’t see too many other races unless I’m working and that’s a no no or on the golf course and that’s occassional/recreational. I also have never been one to think that “I can do it on my own” my parents are still married and I definetly see the huge value in that.

    So am I what you call a bitter woman that needs to get help. Probably now that I have had a down-low brother. LOL @ the fact that you don’t see that it’s a very common practice today. But I am one who doesn’t carry bags on my back too long. I am one who works hard but does not look down at any man that does not make more than I do. I am also SINGLE like most good women I know. So tell me then how you figure that this issue points back at women? I think this again is a way to make women feel as if they need fixing as if they are not good enough when in accuality the real reason those statistics are so high. Is because there are a lack of fatherfigures. And even if a man want’s to marry or be there for his kids, he does not understand the role behind it or the mother of the child doesn’t see the value because they where lacking in parenting as a youth.


    A Single, Saved and Supportive Lady

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