The Bridge: Dirty Black Secrets, Part 1


By Darryl James

Black people have some dirty little secrets.

We all see them, but we’re not supposed to talk about them.

But you already know that I just don’t care.

Here’s one:  Some Black women can be a huge problem for Black people.

Old crazy Darryl James has been saying it for years. I first talked about it in 2005 and people claimed I hated Black women.

But imagine the work that could have been done if we had simply acknowledged it.  We could have also rooted out the core issue and then began to work on some solutions.

Instead, we kept pretending that only Black men were problematic.

Black Americans trotted out every single problem plaguing Black people and laid them at the foot of Black men so that Black men could take the blame.

We pretended that only Black fathers were deadbeat, even though many single Black mothers were having babies by men who were ALREADY deadbeats, knowingly creating a larger pool of fatherless children, when instead we should have been chastising the single mothers who were choosing poorly—if the man has children that he doesn’t support or visit, why would he do anything differently with the children you give him? And if you know that you will be a single mother, why become a single mother? Multiple times?

We should have stopped pretending that there aren’t women who know full well that they will be bringing a child into the world with no male influence or involvement, but do so eagerly, because they simply want to be mothers.

But we continued to blame the men, with the likes of Bill Cosby telling Black women that Black men are simply “sperm shooting machines” who want only sex and then “walk away from a thing called fatherhood.”

We allowed anyone to claim that Black boys were “choosing” to drop out of high school while Black girls were perfect and progressing. We allowed anyone who desired to claim that there were more Black men going to prison than to college and more Black men dating white women than Black women and more Black men in poverty than Black women and that for these reasons, Black women were being left alone in the dating process or “forced” to date outside of the race.

We allowed broken women to lie about there being no good Black men, instead of focusing on the simple fact that many of the Black women who aren’t married simply aren’t marriage material.

And, too many Black women are acting like whores and thinking like men instead of acting like ladies and thinking like wives.

Yes, I said it—oversexed and under-loved (no self love and no love without sexual attachment), while blaming it all on Black men.

And it’s not like anyone in our race benefited, because far too many Black women are still turning 40 with zero marriage prospects, and far too many of them are raising Black boys and girls without male influence or involvement, while lying about how they don’t want or need a man for love or child rearing and blaming Black men for the results.

But today, that has to stop.

Because today, we have finally been given concrete evidence that there are some horrible Black women who have been tearing our race apart.

And we saw it with Gabby Douglas.

Hearing Black women—not white women or white men—tear this beautiful Black Olympian down made it clear that something was stinking and the smell was not coming from Black men.

That same stench facilitated the media’s virtual erasure of Gabby’s daddy as though he didn’t exist. The media was comfortable with it because for more than a decade Black women have been telling the media and the world that Black men were absent and essentially, that they weren’t necessary anyway.

I already know that some of you are getting your “he hates Black women” responses ready, but you should stop and use your brain, or slap yourself.

If we cannot finally embrace the fact that feminism, self-hatred and insidious racist propaganda have turned too many of us too far against Black men and that it seeped into the Black community through Black women and turned into something ugly, then we are doomed, because we will never face the hard cold facts, and so will never have any resolution.

Next week, I will present some hard cold facts that will turn many of the myths about Black men on their heads.

The hardest fact of them all is that many of the myths have been perpetuated by Black women.

We must admit to ourselves that just as there are horrible white men and women and horrible Black men, there are some horrible Black women who are wreaking havoc on our people and they are not all uneducated hoodrats.

The truth is that many of these are college educated Black women who claim to be perfect victims are also in the ranks of those who tear down our community by passing lies, but also by refusing to stand up against the destructive elements

Black women, you are not the victim of Black men.

You have not been simply abandoned and forced into single motherhood, you have not been abandoned at the educational success line and you have not been forced to grow old and alone.

Many of you have made some poor choices that have lead you into some bad situations, along with our children.

And I love you enough, love Black children enough, love Black people enough to tell you and to encourage everyone to stop lying to you.

I’m here to tell all of our dirty little Black secrets.

Next Week: Countering Lies & Deception

Darryl James is an award-winning author of the powerful new anthology “Notes From The Edge.”  James’ stage play, “Love In A Day,” opened in Los Angeles in 2011 and will become a feature film in 2012. View previous installments of this column at http://www.bridgecolumn.proboards36.com. Reach James at djames@theblackgendergap.com.

 

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3 Responses to “The Bridge: Dirty Black Secrets, Part 1”

  1. HELLO MR. JAMES: I WAS A SINGLE FATHER OF 3 STARTING IN 1986 I CAN RELATE TO ALL THAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT I WITNESSED, ALL THAT YOU SPOKE ABOUT, IT DIDN’T REALLY DON ON ME AS TO WHAT WAS REALLY HAPPENING I ALWAYS GOT PRAISE FOR BEING A SINGLE FATHER, HOWEVER I CAN’T SAY THE SAME ABOUT MY SONS, WHO ARE 35 AND 30 THEY ARE SEEING EVERYTHING YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT FIRST HAND, MY SOLUTION WAS THE CHILDREN WERE NOT AS BAD TO TRY AND RAISE, RATHER THAN TRYING TO BE MARRIED WITH 2 ADULTS THAT WEREN’T GOING ANYWHERE TOGETHER, I AM NOT BLAMING ANYONE , I AM PASS THAT,HOWEVER EVEN IF MY SONS WERE RAISED BY A SINGLE DAD THE PROBLEM IS MOST IF NOT ALL OF MY SONS FRIENDS WERE RAISED BY THEIR MOTHERS, AND MY DAUGHTER WHO IS 40 AND UNMARRIED HAS PRETTY MUCH THE SAME PROBLEM , ALL OF HER FRIENDS WERE PRETTY MUCH RAISED BY THEIR
    MOTHER, IT HAS GIVEN ME THE MOTIVATION TO BEGIN A WEBSITE CALED before-the-abuse.com IN WHICH I HAVE BEEN CALLED A WOMAN HATER ,I TRY AND TALK ABOUT ISSUES BEFORE IT BECOMES ABUSE WHICH QUITE A FEW MEN END UP DOING THEREFORE ELIMINATING THEMSELVES FROM ANY KIND OF JOINT CUSTODY OR JUST PLAYING AN ACTIVE ROLL IN THEIR CHILD’S LIFE. I WAS RAISED BY MOTHER AND FATHER AND I KNOW THE IMPORTANCE MOM AND DAD NOT MOM OR DAD. I COULD GO ON AND ON ALL I CAN SAY MY BROTHER IS KEEP THE 411 FLOWING

  2. Thomas Walker Says:

    Darryl:

    Your bravery and candor are truly appreciated! Any serious student of history will acknowledge that control of a population or culture is predicated on eliminating the male: He is the threat. Whether it be Pharaoh’s edict to kill all first – born males in the Bible, to the lynching of Black men, to the purging of populations in Bosnia, Darfur and other places around the globe, the necessity of eliminating the male is paramount. I await your detailed information as I have researched this for years now and many so – called facts that are espoused in Newsweek, Time, Essence display a true disregard for fact – checking. Perusing topics like child – abuse, fastest growing prison populations, divorce, etc., will display that Black women bear blame as well; yet, the minute one tries to reveal “facts”, the emotional retort “woman – hater” is cause celebre.

    Many of our most erudite women writers claim that they have endured a patriarchal structure, when the history of slavery and the post – slavery prison economy have always placed Black men on the fringes of our community. It was Black men who were more often than not sold as slaves and separated from their families. Hence, over time Black women became head of household not by anyone’s fault other than the social structures that regarded Black men as threats to be eradicated. Of course Black women have carried a heavy load and that I eagerly acknowledge, but for Black men, the penalty has always been death. Now, Black men must endure the continued verbal emasculation that is associated with the “strong” (whatever that really means) Black woman. And despite their continual rhetoric of not needing men, they resolve this issue by gathering in groups at restaurants eating themselves into utopia. A longitudinal investigation of obesity will reveal that Black women are by far the most obese adult population when 30 years ago they had the best BMI (Body Mass Index) in the country. And now we call it “thick”, despite that term never being used in any study of anatomy and physiology. The truth is, all of the women who disparaged Gabby’s hair are really jealous of her well – conditioned physique, a reality they will not enjoy because they do not want to sweat their “doo”.

    Slave masters took particular care to train Black women and now that role has passed on to television, where Black women watch more hours per day than any group. I have even had one tell me: “That does not affect how I think”. This was a college –educated woman who was clearly not paying attention in her psychology class when subliminal seduction was being discussed.

    Regardless of how strong and responsible a Black man is, any man worth his salt is not going to stay in a situation where he is subjected to verbal assaults on his masculinity. He will step and I do not blame him. I have, through the grace of GOD, enjoyed a successful career and grew up in a beautiful home to parents who were married 56 years. I long for that but know that it is a time long gone. Until we can both sit down and listen to BOTH sets of facts, Black men and Black women will continue to be at odds.

    All that being said Darryl, stay tuned for my upcoming book, “The Perfect Treason”, which will shed light on the factual fallacies in the Black community and how we as men must create our territories as men first; then we can pick and choose.

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    The Bridge: Dirty Black Secrets, Part 1 | Black Men In America

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