Archive for Relationships

Top 100 Family, Marriage, and Relationship Blogs for African Americans

Posted in African Americans, Black America, Black Interests, Black Links, Black Men, Women's Interests with tags , , , , , on March 6, 2013 by Gary Johnson

Businessman Wearing a Phone Headset at a Computer

Searching for content on the Internet can be a challenging task.  Depending on the topic, you can spend hours just conducting searches.  Well the folks at Best Black Dating Sites have made your job a lot easier by condensing and listing what they believe are the Top 100 family, marriage and relationship, community, relationship and self-improvement blog sites on the Internet for African Americans aka “black folks.”

Click below to visit the Top 100 Sites.

The Bridge: Paying The Cost

Posted in Black America, Black Interests, Black Men, Black Men In America, Guest Columnists, Relationship Advice, The Bridge - Darryl James, Women's Interests with tags , , on August 5, 2012 by Gary Johnson

By Darryl James

How sad is it that in today’s economy, women are still complaining about how much men spend on dates?

Really?

First off, dating is supposed to be a process by which two individuals get to know each other. If you already have rigid standards and expectations of people you haven’t even met, chances are things won’t go well when you do meet.

For women who are on this silly program, think about this: What if the man you expect to spend a certain amount of money on a date, has expectations of getting you naked the same night? Would you judge him for having unreasonable expectations? Is he being unreasonable or are you?

Who is right and who is wrong?  Who is to say when there are no real standards in dating anymore?

Let’s be honest (even though it will make a lot of stupid people angry): The women who claim to be “old school” to excuse their unreasonable standards and expectations are full of it. Women in the “old school” actually used to cook for dates.  Women also used to be polite enough to go with a man to wherever he took her, even if she didn’t like the place, but especially if she liked the man. Why? Because it was all about getting to know each other.

It’s just sad that so many women are complaining about where a date took them or how much he spent, but not many are conversing about what they contribute to the dating process, as if men owe them something because they want to get to know them.

And we’ve all heard dead brained loser women state that men who are unwilling or unable to spend “enough” money on dates shouldn’t date.

So, because someone who doesn’t know you and may not even like you doesn’t want to invest in spending money entertaining you, they should go into dating exile?

Slap yourself.

I’ve used this example in discussions about dating to make the point clear to people who still have active brain cells: Our president, Barack Obama was not only low on funds when he met Michelle, but he was UNEMPLOYED! She helped him get a job and certainly didn’t chastise him about not being able to spend $200 on a date. Why? Because she was interested in being his life partner, not some line item in his dating budget.

Let’s do the math here:  If a man spends $100 on dating four times each month, he will spend $400 each month, which equals $4800 per year. That is the equivalent of a car payment or the down payment on a house. If a woman is seeking to be a life partner, I doubt that she would want that kind of money to be blown. Now, if she’s just looking for the good time, then she shouldn’t judge the man who is also looking for the good time…

A fair exchange is no robbery.

Now, I realize that the math may be a problem for stupid people, but frankly, the people (men and women) who think it’s reasonable for a man to be judged by the amount of money he spends on dating are stupid anyway.

Sadly, the biggest problem is that dead-brained morons believe that everyone has the same belief set. You can use the cost of a date to show the fallacies of modern dating, but the bigger reality is that relationships and marriage have been diminished by boneheads who have rigid expectations of people they haven’t met yet, but want those people to be open to their expectations.

Men paying for dates comes from a time when women were either unemployed or underemployed.

How do we move into an era where women are crowing from the mountaintops about making more money than men (whether it’s true or not), yet still expecting men to pay their way?

Now, here’s the kicker:  that time I just spoke of was never on deck for African Americans. After slavery, Black women went to work just as did Black men. Now, if a Black man earned more than a Black woman, he would likely pay her way, but they rarely, if ever, discussed how much the man should spend and where he should take her. That’s some new ignorance.

Today? How about men and women go on dates prepared to pay their own way so that the focus can be on getting to know each other?

For every woman who complains that men are cheap, a man is complaining that women only care about getting money spent on them. Neither discussion does anything to improve the marriage rate.

Dating, relationships and marriage are all about partnership—all about sharing. If that is the goal, why start off by NOT sharing?

It all comes down to money. Who pays the cost?

Darryl James is an award-winning author of the powerful new anthology “Notes From The Edge.”  James’ stage play, “Love In A Day,” opened in Los Angeles in 2011 and will become a feature film in 2012. View previous installments of this column at http://www.bridgecolumn.proboards36.com. Reach James at djames@theblackgendergap.com.

What Black Men Think Hits The Documentary Channel

Posted in Black America, Black Interests, Black Links, Black Men, Black Men In America, Movie and DVD News, Racism with tags , , , on May 22, 2012 by Gary Johnson

Our friend and a favorite filmmaker Janks Morton’s groundbreaking film “What Black Men Think” will be featured on the Documentary Channel.  Click here for more details.

The Courage to be Different

Posted in African Americans, Black Interests, Black Men, Relationship Advice, Women's Interests with tags , , , on April 29, 2012 by Gary Johnson

By Nicholas Maurice Young, Ph. D.

Recently, I watched the movie Act Like A Man.  It chronicles the lives of five men, and their dealings with women.  The movie is based on a best-selling How-To manual for women in dealing with, and dating men.  The book, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man attempts to provide a philosophical blueprint for women that want to understand the thinking and behavior of men.

The movie follows the lives of the five men and the women that each man desires.  It shows the inherent fallacy of many male-female relationships: Men pursue women with the hope that they will have sex with her; Women pursue men to connect with “Mr. Right,” or the guy that has the right bank account, and social status.   Or, so the story goes.

Why are men and women engaging in this destructive dance of indiscretion?—an exercise that leaves both parties emotionally deficient and intellectually insecure to see the error of their ways?.  I believe that many men and a growing number of women behave this way because many of them lack the courage to be different.

For me, the courage to be different comes in at least three forms. The first form involves being able too see differently about the object of your affection.  For me, the primary problem in this area involves around seeing a women as nothing more than a sexual object.  When I was six or seven years old, I often admired the girls I was around.  While I was initially attracted to a girl’s personality, I almost always was more attracted to her physical features—her breast and ass.  Especially her ass.  Much like the other boys I was around, I always found a woman’s ass the object of my sexual fantasy.  As I got older, my friends and I always measured a girl’s sexual readiness by the circumference of her ass, and the size of the “gap” that we believed existed between her thighs, below her vagina.  For us, having sex with a girl was the primary measure of our maturity and our readiness for manhood.

The second area of courage that I believe is lacking among some Black men involves the ability to think differently about women.  As I suggested above, not being about to think differently about women has led many of us to think that women can be viewed as sexual objects, instead of objects of our genuine affection.  The thinking behind the development of this opinion can be located, I think, in the conversations that many men have with their uncles and fellow young men.  Personally, I do not know many, or any fathers that give their sons this kind of advice.  This possibility is due in large part to the absence of fathers in the lives of young Black boys and men.  I believe that the perpetual paucity of Black fathers in the lives of young Black boys creates a void in the hearts of young Black men about the proper way to think about and see the beauty of a woman.  Hence, the ability of many men to do the third, and final component of courage: acting differently.

I see the ability to act differently as the most important aspect to finding and or locating the courage to be different; however, it is a skill that is dependant on the first two phases of courage.  Acting differently first requires the ability to see a woman and admire her intelligence, kindness, beauty, and recognize that she is the most beautiful creature on the planet.  Second, a man must recognize that he does not have to be like other men.  He must recognize that he can be his own person.  Thus, in doing so, he must see that calling a woman a “Ho” or “Bitch;’ stepping out on his woman; believing that making love to his woman is the same as fucking her (although some women like to be treated this way) is usually the wrong way to show her affection.

In short, I believe that the inability of some men to recognize that some of our problems with women can be found in our inability to recognize that some of us lack the courage to see, think, and act differently about ourselves, women, children, and other people around us.

Your thoughts?

 

The Bridge: Making Love or Making Hate

Posted in Black Interests, Black Men, The Bridge - Darryl James with tags , , , , on February 1, 2012 by Gary Johnson

By Darryl James

There is a choice to be made.

We have to be conscious and choose for ourselves, otherwise others will choose for us.

We have to choose between loving each other or embracing the growing acrimony that is festering on both sides of the gender divide.

Black males and females are at war with each other in many corners of this nation.  Hateful things are being said back and forth, and things are getting critical.

I’ve been trying to move people by tapping into the hot topics that cut deep into human nature.  The upside is that some of us are awake and realize that even if we disagree, we can still be committed to our people, or at least have a discussion about the divergences.  The downside is that many of us have no idea how to have a conversation.  I get literal demands from people to have discussions with them after they have cursed me or disrespected me in their disagreement with me.

I get suggestions to “be nice,” and to “soften my rhetoric” in order that more may hear me. But no matter how much poetry we put on it, things are still ugly and I will reach only those who are reachable, no matter what approach I employ.

The ironic part is that the demands to be nice frequently come from hateful idiots who are being anything but nice.

Besides, where is it written that hateful idiots can spew their waste at me, while I take some high road and maintain decorum?

Hate is hard to resist.

It’s like the dark side of the force—its evil, but seductive.  It’s like the matrix—you can become a part of it and not even know that the real world has ceased to exist.

The problem with people who are essentially self-hating, is that they have been laying their ignorant hatred on everyone and no one has checked them properly.  The lack of checking has given them a false sense of relevance and a reason to share their vile brain defecation with other people they infect.

Stephanie Mills sang a song about learning to respect the power of love.  It is real, because love is powerful.  But we must also learn to respect the equal and opposite of love–hate, which is just as powerful.

You see, as humans, we are but vessels.  Whatever you put inside is what will grow and spew forth.  If you fill yourself with love and good thoughts, you will be a nicer and more loving person.  If you fill yourself with hateful thoughts and listen to hateful angry messages, you will spew meanness without even realizing it all the time.

That’s what is affecting some of our sisters who imagine themselves to be gentle, loving women, but can not understand why men they desire do not want to be around them.  There is nothing desirable about a mean woman with a bad attitude and a cross disposition.

I have witnessed women I know allow themselves to be turned into something less than womanly by a group of hateful women, and then wonder why men are repulsed.

For many women who complain about not being able to find a man, I say that men may find you first and run.

At some point, it has become tiresome to hear about the lack of good Black men, because people are still getting married, which means that maybe some people just aren’t getting what they want because they are not meant to have it.

To be clear, there is a serious difference between a strong woman and someone who is sour, bitter and mean.

And there is a difference between being a strong man and someone who simply carries a bad attitude close to being bitchy.

But we hear the vitriol from women far more than men.

As I have already discussed, there are some real reasons why Black women are finding it hard to secure marriage over the age of 35.  However, there are some real reasons that make it even harder and unresolved anger directed at every man who comes into your life is one of them.

Who started it?

Who cares?

Let’s just work on the resolution.

Making hate instead of love is not the resolution.

All I can say is that I am glad I’m not Jesus, because I can not love everyone and I won’t try.  I prefer Allah in the Koran and God in the Old Testament of the Bible—if he didn’t like what he saw, he would bring down the vengeance and rain down pain and trouble.

What I will never understand is why some people can’t just disagree and move on.  Why do they have to get all worked up and send hate mail to someone they do not know or post hatred on an internet discussion thread?

I already knew how to deal with hate, but now I am more focused than ever before.

I know that I have to be swift, sure and exact when dealing with hate.  I confront it, redirect it, return it and then move one.

So, if you get an ugly email or post from me, after which you never hear from me again, its because I am returning your hatred and not allowing you to bring me any more.

You can’t leave your hatred with me, because it isn’t mine to begin with.

It’s yours and you should be making love instead of hate.

Darryl James is an award-winning author of the powerful new anthology “Notes From The Edge.”  James’ stage play, “Love In A Day,” opened in Los Angeles in 2011and returns to the stage in March of 2012. View previous installments of this column at http://www.bridgecolumn.proboards36.com. Reach James at djames@theblackgendergap.com.

 

 

 

Black Relationships — An Animated View

Posted in Black America, Black Interests, Black Men, Comedy with tags , , , on October 22, 2010 by Gary Johnson

These avatars, courtesy of “xtranormal,” can talk and bring out points for discussion about relationships without the emotions that are often attached to the human dialogue.  Alternative methods to generate “critical conversations” should not be frowned upon, they should be welcomed.

Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage

Posted in Black America, Black Interests, Black Men, Women's Interests with tags , , , on November 4, 2009 by Gary Johnson

From the creators of the award winning web site Black and Married With Kids.com comes a ground breaking documentary set to challenge negative stereotypes surrounding marriage and parenting in the black community.

Couples and experts discuss topics such as the image and portrayal of black marriages and families, the effect the Obamas will have on marriage in the black community and the importance of parenting.

Click here to purchase your copy now.

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