The Selfishness of the Sexes


By Mike Ramey

Her name was Gomer. His name was Hosea. Gomer was a party girl who eventually became Hosea’s wife–but she had an agenda. She still loved the night life even AFTER she got married, had several kids and made Hosea into the world’s first ‘househusband’. To make a long story short, Hosea had to serve God, run his household alone AND keep bailing his wayward wife out of trouble. Sadly, Gomer’s selfish ways caught up with her, as she discovered a very valuable lesson: the streets and the people in them don’t ‘love you’ when you get old, broke, and broke down. Hosea spotted his wife at a slave auction, paid the price asked for her, and brought her home to her kids.

I thought about that Bible story while surfing the web recently. The Internet is certainly loaded with blogs, with the most unrealistic offenders being (drum roll please) the ‘relationship’ blogs. What makes many of them sad reading is the phrase ‘battle of the sexes’…and it is usually shouted from the web by the female of the species.

Of course, in our modern times, if Gomer had her own blog, she would be ‘chewing out’ Hosea for ‘not’ giving her the right to live as she wanted to (even though she was a married woman); demand he financially subsidize her abandonment of the children that she wanted AND birthed (child support/crazy check, please), and ‘thumbs downed’ the notion that her home and marriage were more important than her ‘career’ as a social butterfly and part-time ‘party girl’.

One would think that Gomer would learn from her self-destructive selfishness.

But wait; she’s not died. She’s modernized–AND multiplied.

SELFISHNESS–A SURE FIRE RELATIONSHIP KILLER:

One old saying about marriage is worth remembering. Women tend to marry TO change their husbands; Men tend to marry NOT TO change their wives. In short, both–IF they aren’t careful–will enter a marriage or relationship for selfish motives.

Marriages with any other agenda than ‘becoming one’ never last.

Why is selfishness such a ‘deal killer’ in a relationship?

Because it is easier to claim ‘victim status’ rather than to change behavior.

Adults like to chide teenagers for having unrealistic views of relationships, fueled by modern music and the entertainment kabal. Well, IF we were honest, many adults love to ‘hang on’ to unrealistic views as well, fueled by nostalgia and selfishness.

Here is the unwritten secret of eternal youth, in a nutshell.

It’s ‘cool’ to be a victim.

Right now, I’ll bet that there are more than a few people who have done a ‘spit take’ into their Iphone or Ipad. Here me out, as I say it again. It’s ‘cool’ to be a victim.

There are some men and women who enjoy ‘rehash hash’ for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Even after their BFFs have heard their tale of woe for the umpteenth time.

The relationship is over; they have their ‘freedom’, and their ‘no-good’ ex is GONE! The ‘victim’ belt is theirs…by a technical–walkout!

FREEDOM–WITH A SELFISH ‘CATCH’:

Being a Christian (and not just playing one), I have a tendency to LISTEN to older folk–especially Christians–who have fought the battles of life and come up with the scars AND victories. I’ll never forget the sage advice of one veteran pastor from years ago: “You can LOSE what you GOT by trying to GET what you ALREADY have.” Clearly broken down for Generation Y, the Millennials and the ‘Disney Generation’; if you KNOW yourself to be a selfish person, you’re going to have to change you BEFORE you are ready to meet someone to be WITH you…OR you will eventually LOSE them.

Selfishness between the sexes has reached an all time high. There IS no such thing as a battle between the sexes; but the air abounds with selfishness!

Me-me-me; My-my-my; do it MY way, or say–Bye–Bye–Bye!

THEN folk get shocked that their ‘love for a lifetime’ decides to hit the door, because they have discovered that they are no longer needed in a relationship where one person is selfishly in love–with themselves!

Just how bad is it out there in relationship land? I recently read that psychologists and psychiatrists, because of the dearth of common sense shown by many of their patients, have taken to ‘administering’ tough love therapy sessions, just to keep their OWN sanity! They listen to the stories, then tell their patients the truth about their selfish behavior and self-destructive morals. In short, since the ‘psycho meds’ are NOW in short supply, the shrinks have discovered that a dose of the truth can do what medication has been unable to do.

Can I get an AMEN for the truth?

SOCIAL ROLLER DERBY–BUT AT HOME ALONE:

The legal system is not immune to the problems caused by selfishness. Courtrooms have become crammed with ‘exes’ of either sex, who like to use the courts as a kind of ‘roller derby’ to order resurrections in graveyards littered with the corpses of destroyed marriages caused by agendas based on selfishness. Family court judges fear the months of November and December as ‘emergency’ hearings spring up like so many blades of grass. Lawyers for custodial and non-custodial parents wrangle over everything from an extra day’s worth of visitation, to an extra five dollars in child support because one parent ‘heard’ or ‘had the kids research’ the other parent’s FB profile or web activity. The selfish who ‘train’ their kids against another parent eventually loses that parent outright, and their kids over the course of time.

God don’t like ugly, and ain’t too thrilled with pretty.

The selfish can ‘snag’ a book deal, a magazine cover, or a talk show. Never mind the fact that your ‘supporters’ are shielding themselves (and their relationships) from your venom. The selfish are sought out by the bitter–who fuel the 24/7 news cycle and cash registers of our modern era. The selfish can create ‘new’ words and phrases–or change the meaning of existing ones such as ‘bullying’ or ‘my career is more important’. The selfish strut into church, read the Bible, and sing all the gospel hits. Church splits and pastoral vacancies abound because the selfish in the pew would rather sing, “I Did It MY Way” rather than “Oh, Lord…I Want You To Help Me.”

If you view your relationship as ‘only’ all about you–and you enjoy it–take heart!

You’ll be alone…soon enough!

RAMEY, a syndicated columnist and book reviewer, lives in Indianapolis, Indiana. THE RAMEY COMMENTARIES appears on fine websites/blogs around the world. Email manhoodline@yahoo.com. © 2012 Mike Ramey/Barnstorm Communications.

 

 

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2 Responses to “The Selfishness of the Sexes”

  1. If a person does what he or she is supposed to do in the first place AND, if not, at least follows the court rulings post divorce, there would be no need for repeated trips to the judge for clarifications. It seems you are very aware of consequences perhaps by personal experience?

    • In this day and age, many people have personal experiences, or friends who have shared personal experiences. Even lawmakers who have put together divorce laws have gotten their legs caught in ‘bear traps’ of their own design. I get email from all over. I’ve gotten emails from friends of those who have been to courts to provide moral support, and later have kept their relationships from bitter, former friends. The saddest emails? Those sent by the children of parents who have survived the ‘divorce wars’ and wonder why one parent lied to them about the other. Count how many people you know of either sex who have been through the ‘selfishness’ game, and you have different stories…but selfishness still has the same end result. Thanks for stopping by! I realize that you are a ‘frequent flyer’ of my work.

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