The Bridge: Who’s Gonna Take The Weight? (Parts 1 and 2)

By Darryl James

Participate in any discussion on relationships and you are likely to see a few things consistently.

First, you’ll see more women than men participating.

Second, you’ll see people passing stereotypes around, instead of seeking the truth with researched data.

And third, you’ll see one side blaming the other, while pretending to be listening in search of enlightenment.

Sad, I know.

But really, men and women are having difficulty talking to each other.

And, while no one wants to take the weight, both sides are to blame.

Men have to take their fair share of the breakdown blame because too many of us believe that it’s cool to tuck our emotions away. Too many men have also decided that it is better to appease women than to speak the truth and have them angry at us.  And too many of us think that having a discussion about feelings is for women and gay men.

Consequently, our voice is rarely heard, except in response to the voices of “those” women who are loud and negative, particularly in the media.

In fact, the media is filled with article after article about what is wrong with Black men.  Even when discussing the difficulties facing Black women, the finger is inevitably pointed at Black men. That’s why it’s confusing to see crazy people who get upset with me when I offer balance.

To the ignorant, balance means that I cannot say anything about women without someone simultaneously saying something about men.

Not only is that ignorant but it is in direct contradiction with the plethora of negative media coverage on men—Where the good ones are; why we are in prison, why we are “down low”, blah, blah, blah…..

At any rate, no one can deny that there is a war brewing between the genders and that unless more strong men stand up and make themselves heard, things will only get worse.

Click here to read the entire article (Parts 1 and 2)

Darryl James is an award-winning author of the powerful new anthology “Notes From The Edge.”  James’ stage play, “Love In A Day,” opens in Los Angeles this Spring. View previous installments of this column at  Reach James at

2 Responses to “The Bridge: Who’s Gonna Take The Weight? (Parts 1 and 2)”

  1. Very interesting perspective. Always thought it was weird to lump Black men in with oppressing women when we were ranked behind black women in society.

    I thoroughly enjoyed the essay.

  2. One and Two should become MANDATORY reading BEFORE the feminists want to talk about how ‘bad’ men are. Great stuff!

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