Mildred Muhammad Speaks – Exclusive Video Interview with Former Wife of the D.C. Sniper

By Gary Johnson, Founder/Publisher – Black Men In America.com

Mildred D. Muhammad is the ex-wife of John Allen Muhammad – the convicted and recently executed DC sniper who terrorized the Washington DC metropolitan area in late 2002.  After several years of silence, Mildred decided to speak openly about her day-to-day experiences as a survivor of domestic violence and how it affected her three children.

I had seen Mildred’s interviews on CNN and FOX News. Some of the questions appeared to be anything but “fair and balanced” and the interviews were short.  There wasn’t enough time for Mildred to adequately address the questions.

I decided to reach out to Mildred to give her an opportunity to tell her story uninterrupted.

Mildred agreed to an unscripted and unrehearsed interview.  I assigned this task to Janice Wilson and off we went to tape the interview at Mildred’s office a few weeks ago (December 2009).  We divided the interview into six parts.  Part One of the interview is listed below.

As you watch and listen to Mildred’s story you will learn that Mildred did not seek the limelight.  She was thrust into the spotlight because her former husband was John Allen Muhammad. Mildred new book, “Scared Silent,” details her her day-to-day experiences as a survivor of domestic violence and how it affected her three children.  A lot has been said about Mildred and why she wrote this book.  Mildred has dedicated her life to helping survivors of domestic violence and abuse.  I believe in telling her story, she is doing the work of others.  Don’t take my word for it, watch and listen for yourself.

Mildred Muhammad and Janice Wilson

Mildred has agreed to write a monthly column on surviving domestic violence and abuse.  You can read her column and buy her book on the main web site at www.blackmeninamerica.com/abuse.htm.

 

Any thoughts about Mildred and her story?  Click on the links below to watch Janice Wilson’s exclusive six part interview with Mildred Muhammad.

I am Mildred Muhammad.  I am the Executive Director of After The Trauma.  A non-profit organization established, based upon my own experience, to assist survivors of domestic violence.

I am a consultant with the Office for Victims of Crime and a board member of different domestic violence organizations. I have become a national spokesperson for domestic violence and I have been and continue to be honored as being the keynote speaker, telling my story for several conferences, workshops and seminars regarding domestic violence.

I share my expertise on what it’s like being a victim and a survivor of domestic violence without physical scars to victims and survivors of domestic violence, advocates, law enforcements, therapists, counselors, mental health providers, medical health providers, various universities and many others.  I have participated in training law enforcements regarding victims of domestic violence without physical scars.  I have received many awards, recognitions and certificates regarding my work in assisting victims and survivors of domestic violence.  I have written a book titled, “Scared Silent“ which details my emotionally abusive relationship.

You see, my ex husband was the convicted and now executed sniper of the DC metropolitan area, John Allen Muhammad.  Although most believe, based on what the media reported, that the random shootings were about two African American men going around shooting innocent people for financial gain and control of this area.  That is not the truth.

Unfortunately, the random shootings were a cover to hide my murder.  John was to come in as the grieving father to get custody of our children.  It was a domestic violence/custody issue.  Others outside of the DC area know this to be factual because this case originated in Washington State.  Others say that my children and I were not victims.  However, we were the first victims and because we weren’t physically injured or killed, we are looked upon as causing the problem and bringing trouble to this side of the country.

Since there are many definitions for domestic violence, it is difficult to know if you are in an abusive relationship.  So, let’s start there.

What Is Domestic Violence?

Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive, controlling behaviors that some individuals use to control their intimate partners. Domestic violence is any type of violence, abuse or threat of violence that one partner in a relationship commits against another. It includes physical, sexual, emotional, psychological, stalking, economic and verbal abuse.

Examples are punches, kicks, slaps, hits shoves, forcing partner to perform degrading tasks, using degrading remarks, sexual assault, rape, secretly following you around and other tactics used to establish power and control over a partner. Domestic Violence can occur in any relationship, married or unmarried, homosexual and heterosexual.  Now domestic violence is considered an offense if the person who is being abused is dating the ex of a prior relationship.

You see, you either are a victim, a survivor or know someone who is or was either.    This is how badly it has become in our society and yet it is only publicize when the victim is physically mutilated, physically abused or death has occurred.  No one considers the victim is in danger if NO physical scars are present.   Domestic violence does not discriminate.  It doesn’t matter what religion, race, gender, financial or educational status, man, woman, child or elderly.  Domestic violence affects us all either directly or indirectly.

Statistics say that “every 9 to 15 seconds a woman is abused”.  It is unfortunate when we hear or see this, we automatically think a physical assault has occurred.  I am striving to shift the thinking of society.  When you begin to hear statistics from others, instead of thinking of the number ‘9’ or ’15’ and someone being hit…think of ‘number 1’ and what has occurred.

It began as a verbal assault.  Someone said a hurtful remark and now emotions are out of control!  Soon, yelling begins, name calling, the effort to destroy the others’ character and then…a physical assault.  Most times, a physical assault is not the result.  However, with such anger, hurtful comments are made that one cannot take back.  Once anger subsides, “I’m sorry” is hard to accept because out of anger, the truth was told.  We have to learn to talk to each other more effectively when a disappointment or a frustration occurs.  Proper communication is one way to alter the path of a domestic dispute.

I want to personally thank Gary Johnson for this opportunity to expand my work in assisting victims and survivors of domestic violence.  This monthly article will be published through Black Men In America.com and their effort to heighten awareness regarding domestic abuse/violence.  This article will focus on abuse regarding the victim, survivor, abuser, children and the elderly.

I hope you will continue to visit the site and read the articles. It is my hope and prayer that the information provided will assist those who need it and act as a resource to those who know someone in an abusive relationship.

If you find that you need assistance, you may e-mail me directly at Mildred@afterthetrauma.org.  I will respond as soon as I receive your message.  I will assist you as best I can. Please remember…YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

You can also follow me on Facebook and Twitter.

Take good care of yourself,

Mildred

OBAMA, LOSING THE “RACE”

By Raynard Jackson

As the historic nature of Obama’s election begins to fade, the reality of Black’s expectations have begun to boil over.  Obama received 96 % of the Black vote last year, but now they are asking, “where is the return on their investment?”  This friction has recently spilled out into the public.  The Congressional Black Caucus (CBC) has finally grown some backbone and has publically challenged Obama on issues of particular concern to the Black community.  These issues include the high unemployment rate in the Black community (well above the national average), the disproportionate percentage of Blacks caught in the subprime mortgage scandal, and the lack of stimulus money for inner city communities.

Those who are regular readers of my columns know that I have been extremely critical of the CBC in the past.  But, I am very happy to see the CBC take a principled stand on something they view as important—why a Black president has not targeted any programs to specifically deal with the Black community.

In the midst of this debate, everyone seems to be missing the real point.  What you see happening right before your very eyes is a generational fault-line on how race is viewed.  Most members of the CBC are considered part of the “old line civil rights” movement.  They are preachers and politicians over 55 years of age.  They have had their time in the sun and the mantle has been taken up by a generation that is somewhat removed from the issues of segregation and civil rights—it is not the world they came from.

When you look at Obama’s background, he to, is distant from these “old timers.”  Obama has never had a close relationship with the CBC, even as a member of the U.S. Senate.  Growing up in Indonesia and Hawaii, Obama has probably seen more religious conflict than he has racial conflict.  So, if you understand his point of reference on racial matters, it’s not hard to understand his reluctance to take race on.  Has he encountered racism as an adult?  I am sure he has.  Hawaii is like a foreign country to most Americans.  Having grown up in places like Indonesia and Hawaii, I can’t imagine Obama having his soul seared with much overt racism personally directed at him.  Therefore, Obama doesn’t seem comfortable dealing with racial issues.

This is quite obvious when you look at his political career.  There is nothing in his past that indicates Obama was willing to take the lead on issues of particular concern to the Black community.  His past indicates that he will deal with race only when he has to (Jeremiah Wright, Henry Gates and the Boston police controversy).

I understand that Obama is trying not to be viewed as the Black president.  He is really trying to walk a fine line between being color blind and being blind to people of color.  So, the fundamental question I would pose to the CBC is not whether or not Obama has ignored the Black community and issues of particular concern to them; but, rather, what are they going to do about it?

In essence, Obama has said he agrees with the CBC’s assessment, but with is actions he is saying, “now, go make me do it!”

Politicians do what they “have” to do more than they do what they want to do.  So, if the CBC doesn’t like what Obama is doing on their issues, what are they going to do about it?  Other than make symbolic gestures (abstaining from procedural votes), what is their plan of attack?  Are they willing to vote against healthcare as a block (43 votes)?  Are they willing to vote against some of Obama’s spending bills that come before them?  This is about winning, not about supporting a Black president.  I hope the CBC is willing to play hardball with the president.  This is the best thing the CBC could do for the Black community—to prove to the White House that the Black community is not to be taken for granted!  And if they are taken for granted, there will be a price to pay.

This is why it is dangerous and counter-productive for the Black community to continue to be so aligned with one party.  This is the reason that the Republican Party continues to trample on and disregard the Black community—there is no price to pay for doing it.  Many Republicans believe there are votes to be gained by doing this.  Therefore, Black Republicans have become totally irrelevant within the political process!  Republicans ignore them and Democrats don’t pay them any mind.

Is the CBC willing to tell Blacks not to vote during next years congressional elections to make their point crystal clear to this White House?  Sometimes you have to lose to win.  If there is no pressure exerted on Obama, he will continue the course he is on.

Last year, Obama won the race, but this year he is losing the “race.”

Raynard Jackson is President & CEO of Raynard Jackson & Associates, LLC., a D.C.-public relations/government affairs firm.  He is also a contributing editor for ExcellStyle Magazine (www.excellstyle.com).

A Tiger’s Tale: Par For The Course

By Harold Bell

December 8, 2009

When folks were trying to define Tiger Woods’ race during the early stages of his career, he denied that he was a black man and said he was Cabilnasian.

I completely understood his premise of not wanting to overlook his mother’s Asian heritage.  There were many in the black community who took his denial as a put down to black people.  There is nowhere in his new identity “Cablinasian” that identified him as being a black man.

We all understand that he had a black father and Asian mother.  It was not like Tiger had not known racism during his early years.  He clearly remembers the bigotry he and his father faced while trying to play on public golf courses around military installations they lived on.

They were not discriminating because he was “Cablinasian,” discrimination often surfaced because they were black men.

I knew he was headed for trouble when he first announced he was “Cablinasian.” He was denying he was black despite having a black father.  Tiger had forgotten the unwritten American rule that says, “One trickle of black blood makes a man or woman totally black.”

I could not find a definition of “Cablinasian” in Webster’s New Collegiate Dictionary but there was a definition for Nigger.  The definition was, “a member of any dark-skinned race—usually, taken to be offensive.”

Could this be what Tiger was trying to run away from?  Trying to outrun racism in America is like trying to outrun the morning sun.

Tigers’ “transgressions” with what now looks like an army of cocktail and restaurant waitresses around the world could be the beginning of his end.

There will be no sponsors jumping ship immediately because Tiger is still their meal ticket.

Golf and chess each are mind games and the mental toll on Tiger maybe his undoing.

The legendary golfer Arnold Palmer offered Tiger some sound advice early in his career when he was just a struggling millionaire.  He confessed to Palmer “I am finding it difficult to deal with all this adulation, signing autographs, press conferences and members of the media.”

Arnold’s response was, “Tiger if you find all of this too difficult to deal with I suggest you give all the money back and become a weekend golfer with your friends.  No one will notice you then.”

Arnold Palmer was one of the most accessible legends of golf.  He would sign autographs for fans until the sun went down and never saw a press conference or reporter he did not like.  He and Muhammad Ali were two of a kind.

Tiger has let success handle him and he has not handled success.  He has a lot in common with today’s New Jack City pro athletes.  It has been all about “Me and me!”

Tiger’s “transgressions” have taken on a life of their very own.  He has become welcome comical relief for every late night comic including CBS host David Letterman. It was just several weeks ago that Letterman was walking around in Tiger’s shoes.

The tabloid newspapers and television entertainment shows (Access Hollywood, TMZ, Entertainment Tonight, etc.) are having a field day and can’t get enough.

When I said it maybe Tiger’s beginning of the end has nothing to do with his physical attributes while performing on the world’s pro golf courses.  The big test is how well his mental health holds up.

The bigots will be awaiting his every turn which should be nothing new to him.  He receives more death threats than any professional athlete.  The haters will be on the golf course testing him with all kinds of mean shouts and insults as it relates to his “transgressions.”

The haters will be hard for security to identify because they will be dressed as normal people without their hoods and robes.

The question will be, how much can Tiger’s wife and kids take, especially, the kids?

There are thousands of young people around the world that idolize Tiger.  What kind of message does his bad behavior send to them?  Kids forgive easily, but adults can be ruthless.

I remember when Sugar Ray Leonard thought he was coming home to a hero’s welcome after winning the Gold Medal at the Olympic Games in Montreal, Canada.  His then future wife Juanita was pregnant and carrying his baby.  The Washington media discovered his transgression and gave him a welcome home he would never forget.

You would have thought Ray had just been added to the FBI’s Most Wanted List.  The Washington media crucified him.

Sugar Ray Leonard refused to leave his house for days.   He had lost all of his self esteem.  His trainer, Janks Morton and my friend the late Melvin Jackson came to the Anacostia Tennis Courts in Southeast DC to ask me to try and talk some sense into him.  Ray and I had a unique relationship at that time and I successfully talked him out of the house.

I convinced him to go to several elementary schools with me in the DC metropolitan and talk to some kids about his Olympic boxing experiences (with his Gold Medal around his neck).  On Saturdays he would co-host Inside Sports, my radio talk show.

He slowly regained his self esteem and the rest is boxing history.  When it came to transgressions Sugar Ray could give Tiger a run for his money.

Washington Post columnist Michael Wilbon wrote a column last week titled “The Company Tiger Keeps.” I hope Michael was not trying to justify Tiger’s behavior because if he were he came up short.

In the column Wilbon pointed to other famous American athletes that had traveled the same path as Tiger, like Babe Ruth, Joe Louis, Joe DiMaggio, Muhammad Ali, Magic Johnson, Larry Bird, Michael Jordan, Kobe Bryant, Tom Brady and Alex Rodriguez.

Wilbon wrote, “Whispers and innuendos followed Ruth and Louis.  TMZ and US Magazine stalked Tiger Woods.  So what?

The bottom-line is fans and today’s adults could care less.  TMZ and US Magazine care because the more sleaze, the more viewers and readers and sex is still the best seller in America.

The company Tiger kept was Charles Barkley and Michael Jordan.  It has been said “Birds of a feather flock together.”

The black caddy has become an endangered species on the pro tour since the players have to share a percentage of their winnings with their caddies.  The players now hire members of their family to carry their bags.  The caddy of color has slowly disappeared.

My high school teammate and college roommate Richard Hansberry once caddied on the tour and was the Vice-President of the Black Caddy’s Association.  He said Tiger would not even speak to the black caddies.

Tiger’s first caddy Fluff was white and when he fired him he never auditioned or sought a black caddy to replace him.  Did anyone notice that all of his female “transgressions” looked like his wife Elin?

Something is wrong with this picture!  It would make sense that if he was going to have an affair he would have found someone who had as much to lose as him.  Proving again, money does not make one smart.

Charles Barkley got it right and the monkey off of his back early, he told the world “I am not your child’s hero or role model, if I am something is wrong with you.”  Charles knew eventually his life style of women, booze and gambling, would knock on his door and it did.  NBA legend Michael Jordan was well known for his transgressions and they eventually cost him his marriage.

Patrick Ewing’s former wife Rita was heard on a news talk show saying the NBA promotes sexual misconduct.  She said, “I attended a seminar for players and their wives one year and the players were encouraged to use condoms when having sex!  Wives were not permitted to travel on the road and therefore made sex a Free Fall for the players.”

Rita told the interviewer, “No pun intended, but Tiger’s behavior is par for the course.”

If you don’t think Tiger’s behavior is par for the course you need to take look at this web page:  http://afieldnegro.com/photos.html.  I knew we had a problem but I didn’t think black men had just given up on black women.

If you think people really care about the sexual appetite of the rich and famous, let me prove my point that they don’t.

When DC Mayor for Life Marion Barry claimed “The Bitch Set Me Up.”  He was caught on camera trying to smoke cocaine through a pipe.  A little birdie warned him he was being set up but he didn’t listen.

Marion served jail time for his transgressions, and on his release he rode back into DC with a hero’s welcome.  He won another term as Mayor and is now a DC City Councilman with more added transgressions.

Let us take it up to another level with President William Jefferson Clinton.  When he was caught with his pants down in the White House Oval Office with a female aid under his desk giving him a massage, folks easily forgot.  The former President now travels the world charging and making millions of dollars for speaking engagements.

Tiger’s transgressions will not be that easily forgotten.  His road back to respectability will be difficult because so many of his colleagues have been waiting for his fall from grace.

His golfing friend who introduced him to his wife was heard to say “I wish I had never introduced them.  The next time she should use a driver on his head instead of an iron.”  I would love to be a birdie in a tree when these two meet at the next tournament.  This is one of Tiger’s tales that has no end in sight.

Footnote: Tiger’s mother-in-law who traveled from Sweden to comfort her daughter took ill after her arrival.  She was rushed to the hospital and was released after eleven hours.

Publisher’s Note:  The Urban Dictionary defines “Cablinasian” as follows: A term Tiger Woods himself made up honoring his mother as well as his father and all of his cultural heritage. Tiger is far ahead of his time in asserting that he does not need to deny any part of who he is or where he came from to satisfy others need for him to think and act a certain way just because of the color of his skin.

Tiger, Tiger, Tiger

By Gary A. Johnson

Let me start by saying that I am sick of the Tiger Woods story.  Given all that’s going on in the world, this should not be a news story, but it is.  I actually have the fortitude to ignore this story, but I have not committed myself to doing so.  It’s like when Bobby Brown had his reality show on the Bravo network.  “Being Bobby Brown” with guest appearances by his then wife Whitney Houston was a train wreck of a TV show, but I could not turn away.

So I am turning myself in.  Guilty as charged.  When I hear a news story about Tiger Woods, I admit that I stop what I’m doing and listen.  What are you shaking your head for?  You’re not much better because you reading this commentary.

Tiger Woods, golf’s “golden boy” is really caught up.  A lack of “player skills” coupled with poor advice from his management team has guaranteed Tiger will get a lump of coal in his stocking for Christmas to match the size of the reported lump on his head.  I am no choir boy by any stretch of the imagination, nor do I claim the moral high-ground on celebrity indiscretions.  I am just another “media guy” doing some “Monday morning quarterbacking” at the expense of the tainted golf legend.

The same media who elevated him to icon status appears all too happy to tear him down.  For what it’s worth, I believe Tiger’s circle of married friends are “sucking up the seat cushions” in their chairs with each passing day that this mess goes on and trust me, I think there’s a lot more to come.  “Wait!  Shhhh.  Did you hear that?  What was that?” That’s Tiger’s golfing buddies and friends crossing their fingers and hoping that their name doesn’t pop up on the Internet as being connected with this scandal.  A lot of folks are losing sleep.

The only guy who is sleeping like a baby is Derek Jeter. His sleep number is at an all time high.  I bet Jeter wakes up invigorated and refreshed.  He doesn’t have to worry about the stress of having to remember multiple stories and lies that involve his wife and friends because Derek Jeter is NOT MARRIED!

Now there’s a novel idea.  If you want to sleep with multiple women around the world and you don’t want other people to know about this, don’t get married or at least learn how to play the game.  When you are a married man whose earning potential exceeds $1 billion dollars and you sleep with cocktail waitresses, bar maids and socialites the stakes are automatically high.  Experienced players tend not to play with women who don’t have as much to lose as they do.  Nothing against cocktail waitresses, bar maids and socialites.  Most of them are fine people who have to work hard for the money.

The evidence is mounting that Tiger, in his rush to get his “freak on” was clueless, careless and reckless–and that’s just what we know this week.  Who knows what the next 10 day news cycle will bring?

Tiger, enough with these carefully prepared statements released on your web site.  Dude, you are going to have to show your face.  I imagine the reason you have not shown your face is because your wife “did a number” on your ass.  You should be commended for walking (or driving) away from a domestic squabble or fight.  Then again, had you stayed and tried to defend yourself, your wife, Elin may have stretched your ass out in the foyer like Danny Green did to Roy Jones, Jr., earlier this week. Sorry Roy, but it’s time to hang up the gloves and quit.

Elin’s actions seem to have broken the stereotype that white women who date or marry men of color, especially black men are passive and tolerate just about anything.  I don’t think so.  Recent media reports and statements from the neighbors lead me to believe that Tiger’s injuries had nothing to do with the auto accident and everything to do with Elin having taken out a can of “whup ass” when she caught Tiger texting one of his “jump offs” on Thanksgiving night.  Tiger was found at approximately 2:30 am laying on the ground with a messed up face, no shoes and snoring.  Elin wasn’t taking any shit that night.

There’s a sentence in a report on the Examiner.com web site that reads as follows:

“According to a friend of one of Tiger Woods’s mistresses, the reason that Tiger Woods cheated on his beautiful Swedish model wife was a complete lack of sex at home.”

Am I the only one who thinks Tiger’s wife is just barely OK? Every report that I’ve read describes her as beautiful, gorgeous, stunning, attractive, etc. I don’t see it. Looking at Elin reminds me of an old “Seinfeld” episode where Jerry’s girlfriend looked like a stunning beauty when standing in the light a certain way.  One slight turn and the same woman looked like a hag, I mean a real wicked witch.

I will be the first one to tell you that beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder.  A person can be a “5” on the outside and rank as a “10+” on the inside.  If given a choice, I’ll take the “10+” on the inside every time.  Some of these so-called “dime piece” women are breathtakingly beautiful, but come with so many issues that they are not worth being with.  Many can’t construct two sentences together while others have made multiple appearances on “Maury.” All of this spells DRAMA!

The research I’ve read reflects that the motives behind someone who cheats is not always based on sex.  I believe that.  Hang with me here.  I am not saying that sex is not a factor, but I believe that sex is not the “driving force” (no pun intended) in the majority of cases.  I think cheating has more to do with an emotional intoxication and connection between two people.  One person makes the other feel special in a way that no one else can.  Think about it.  Tiger Woods has proven that he can get sex.  I bet if you injected Tiger with “truth serum” he would tell you that his “indiscretions” have less to do with sex and more to do with a lack of a connection in his relationship with his wife due their inability to communicate.

I wish I could say with certainty that this story will go away.  I can’t do it.  I actually think the story will get worse for Tiger and become more salacious as a wider circle of celebrities get dragged into this mess due to Tiger’s inability to “play the game.”  As Allen Iverson famously said, “We talkin’ bout practice!”  In this case, there’s something to be said about practice.  The lack of “experience” and “practice” will prove to be very costly for Mr. Woods on many levels when this matter comes to an end.

Good night Derek.  Sleep tight, (you lucky bastard)!

Gary Johnson is the Founder & Publisher of Black Men In America.com a popular online magazine on the Internet and the Black Men In America.com Blog. Gary is also the author of the new book“25 Things That Really Matter In Life.”

Why He Hates You

By Janks Morton

THE BOOK THAT WILL FOREVER CHANGE THE CONVERSATION IN BLACK AMERICA!

Brother Janks is a rare mix of thinker and doer! His commitment to showing us, to us, to improve us inspires me.

Dr. Steve Perry: CNN Educational Contributor

I can already hear the shackles falling from those who are already bound and those (shackles) set up for the next generation.

Dr. Melva Green: Motivational Speaker, Radio Personality and Psychotherapist

If we as a people want to be what we were created to be, Why He Hates You reminds us that hurt, anger and pain is just as hereditary as those beautiful eyes that somehow skipped four generations, and landed in you.

Kym Hampton: Former WNBA All-Star

I believe wholeheartedly that if we are going to save the next generation of young, black men; Why He Hates You must serve as a guidepost and a roadmap

Ingrid Shanklin: Pastor New Life Fellowship International

Why He Hates You is a book about us, for us and by one of us; written with brutal and unvarnished honesty in the plain talk of the people, in language that is intense, humorous and tender.

Kelly Alexander: Journalist

After reading Why He Hates You, I had to apologize to my 12-year-old son!  I apologized for the screaming, fussing, badgering, hitting and constant anger he experienced with me on almost a daily basis…Thank you Janks Morton for saving my Son from Me!

Gloria Howard: Mother

Janks Morton challenges mothers in a way that is raw, unnerving and honest.  I was uncomfortable reading this book because I could relate to portions of it.  This book is not about blame, it is about change.

Gary Johnson: Founder-Black Men In America.com

www.WhyHeHatesYou.com

EXCERPT FROM WHY HE HATES YOU

I began to realize that this young man gripped by the pain of his own anger and hobbled by his resentments, marginalized and noosed by his own fears, was no longer an obtuse case study for dissection. This mass of damaged goods that was the subject of his dissertation was indeed me.

“You need to talk with your mother,” he explained in a subtle yet firmly directive voice. The intensity of his focus was so penetrating; I had only one option remaining to temper the impending lacerations of what was sure to be the most adversarial moment of my life, a candid conversation with my mother. With this impending confrontational crisis looming and the loathing discomfort I was feeling by the dissections of this man of faith, I had to come up for air. I had to do something! It was time to deflect, change the subject or at least change lanes because I wasn’t ready to drive in the fast lane.

At the first available opportune moment, I interjected. “Reverend,” hoping to derail and diffuse the sting of his insights, “While, I agree with you and your assessment of my situation, the approach you are recommending…well…it may be just a bit too abrasive. Would it be better if I started the conversation with, “Momma, I love you, BUT there’s something we need to talk about?”

With a slight exhale, his eyes turned downward, not with a look of contempt or disgust, but more that of a fatherly disappointment. He spoke abruptly, foiling my scheme to maneuver away from a potentially hostile maternal confrontation. He spoke ten simple words that still rattle me to this day. “You do not love her, and that’s a coward’s way.” In my mind I thought, did this man of faith just call me a coward? I paused and took a step back to assess his remarks before getting ready for an all out verbal assault.

JANKS MORTON is a groundbreaking international and award winning documentarian. As founder of iYAGO ENTERTAINMENT GROUP, LLC, he states “the company came into existence to reflect both the conscious and unconscious soul of Black America. JANKS MORTON has been in the entertainment industry for more than 20 years and is a much sought-after teacher, lecturer, commentator and motivational speaker. He has convened workshops, seminars and served as panelist and keynote speaker at colleges, universities, prisons, conferences, churches and community centers around the world.

Ten Things You Could Learn from Tiger Woods

By Jimi Izrael, The Root.com

Published on The Root (http://www.theroot.com)

Created 12/02/2009 – 14:26

Playing One Game Well Doesn’t Make You A Playa, Tiger

I don’t much believe in the cult of celebrity, but sometimes you learn a lot from watching how the rich and famous live their lives.

I don’t much believe in the cult of celebrity, but sometimes you learn a lot from watching how they live their lives. As a public service, I give you…

10 Things You Could Learn From Tiger Woods

1. Variety? Not the spice of life we thought it was. It’s weird for me to look at the cavalcade of alleged mistresses [1]only to find out that they look like variations on a similar theme: Fugly. And isn’t his wife white and fugly, too? I mean, when you cheat, aren’t you looking for something you DON’T have? If you have Lays potato chips at home, you steal Doritos. You gonna go out and steal ANOTHER a bag of Lays—in Vegas? Really?
[2]

2. Domestic violence against men [2]? Whatever. We suspect Tiger was a victim [3], but we don’t know and may never know. But he has it coming … right?

3. White women are gulley, too. Not only did Elin Nordegren probably/maybe bust Tiger’s lip, but did you hear that she called the jump-off at work?! [4] That’s a prelude to a weave-pullin’, grease-splatterin’, bare-chested catfight! Say what you will, but I can’t recall an act of domestic violence coupled with a catfight that has lifted away a pervasive stereotype: From this day forward, the image of the spineless, pliant, white woman is dead. Those of us who have dated white women already knew, but let the record show: A white woman will eff you up on some BS at least as quickly, if not quicker, than a sista will.

4. Cheat within your caste. Rich guys always end up hooking up with coat-check girls, retail managers and cocktail waitresses. Not for nothing because this creates a power dynamic that makes the dalliance even that much more psycho-sexual. But choosing low inadvertantly puts the mistress on top. How? Well, if you are a rich, married man with children hooking up with a waitress, college co-ed, office assistant or aspiring actress, you have given someone power over your life who has everything to gain and nothing to lose by compromising your trust. If you have to cheat, get yourself a married woman or someone who has at least as much to lose as you.

5. Fame is the deal you make with the devil. You can’t turn it on and off.

6. You need a Ne’er Do Well in your crew. I find that no matter how high I climb up the social ladder, it’s always good to keep a Ne’er Do Well in my crew — think Rollo Larson [5] — someone who is too street to come to my cocktail parties, but street enough to advise me when I get myself in some crazy ish that may need a less-than-honorable-but-effective solution. Didn’t Rollo always seem to have a plausible lie on tap? That’s what I’m talking about.

7. White women accentuate your blackness. Tiger Woods, the monied black man surrounding himself with a bevy of below-average, dirt-road white women looks more like Polow Da Don [6] than a role model to millions. There is no racism here, and I’m sure he’d get the same kind of attention if he were Brett Favre — but only if Farve were married to a sista. It would be hard to look at this story and not see how race makes it even more titillating. The media wolves have been waiting for this day for over a decade, and his blackness has never been so apparent.

8. Playing one game well doesn’t make you a playa. Leaving messages, sexting messages, allowing pictures to be taken [7] … these are the missteps of a micro-pimp and paperback playa. Tiger obviously went to the Kwame Kilpatrick School of Infidelity. Some women call sexting “cute.” In divorce court, they call it “evidence.”

9. Tiger Woods probably reads my blog. I say this in my book [8] and wrote a joint on my blog [9] about what to do if a woman attacks you, and among the things I suggested was, even if she follows you, to get out in the open where there could be witnesses and cops can be called. And that may be what Tiger did. Political commentator extraordinaire and fellow Root-er Adam Serwer suggested back in the day the idea that women attack was “misogynist” on its face. [10] Suck it, Chad.

10. Honesty is still the first, best policy. [11]

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For sources and links visit: http://www.theroot.com/blogs/tiger-woods-car-crash/ten-things-you-could-learn-tiger-woods